The First Move
Tom Snow

Do you have trouble making the first approach to an attractive female? If you do you’re not alone, there are lots of guys out there who find it almost impossible to make the first approach. It took my partner four attempts before he could summon up the courage to ask me out - and the first time he asked I declined. There is also the other sort of guy who comes across so full of confidence and so full of themselves that no girl is interested accept his advances. Even sex workers like me find men who use that sort of approach to be unpleasant. I work strictly from phone and internet bookings so if a guy calls me and his opening line is something like,

Hey babe what’s happening? Let’s get together and have some fun. He is usually met with a polite “No thankyou - I’m booked out tonight”. You can almost see the look on the face of the guy at the other end of the phone when I hit them with that reply. They just don’t understand and never will understand that you don’t approach girls in that way because girls still value politeness and courtesy in a man. Even a sex worker like me is not going to put up with guys like that - we don’t have to - we make plenty of money without seeing that sort of man.

So if you have problems approaching girls let’s look at some strategies that might help you make a confident and successful approach to that special girl you have been trying to find the courage to ask out. Perhaps it’s someone you see at the office or in the same building, perhaps you see her on the bus or the train or even at the gym. The first thing to do is to quietly let her know that you are there and that you are interested. For a few days or even a week or two simply smile and nod as you pass, perhaps even say ‘hi’ to her and establish eye contact but nothing more unless she initiates it. This is just to let her know that you are around and it gives her time to get comfortable with you being around. Don’t get into her personal space and don’t stand in front of her in an effort to get noticed. There is a difference between being noticed and being a nuisance.

When you are ready to take the next step try to put her at ease as soon as you can. If she is attractive she will be used to guys trying to hit on her so make sure that your approach is quiet and not like the idiots I mentioned at the start. Put her at ease by casually introducing yourself by name and telling her why you are approaching her. It is better to be up front with a girl and exposing yourself to rejection than to try to come up with some lame excuse for wanting to talk to her. Lame excuses will usually fail because they make you look like a fool as well as clearly showing the girl that you are not being honest with her. You may think that you should never expose yourself to rejection but that is not so. When a girl sees honest vulnerability in a guy she is more inclined to accept him than reject him. I knew when Steve knocked on my door for the third time in three days that he was doing something more than making enquiries about the car parked in the street outside my house. I could also see that he was desperately shy and just couldn’t find the words he needed to get beyond the official approach. That really touched me and there was no way that I could have laughed at him or ever rejected him.

Compliments are always important too because a girl loves to be flattered but keep them generalized and above the shoulders. Lots of guys compliment me on my boobs the first time they see me and that sort of approach is ok for a sex worker because we expect it but it’s the kiss of death for an approach to the girl in the office next door. Compliment her on her hair or her clothes or her jewellery but not on her legs or her butt. Girls expect that sort of compliment from drunks in bars, not from someone that is worth knowing. Ask questions when you speak to her, not only does it give the opportunity for even more conversation but it also shows that you have noticed things about her. For example she may be wearing some unique piece of jewellery. Instead of just saying something general like.

“Nice necklace” - a comment that gives neither of you much room to move. Try, like that necklace, it looks very unusual. Is there a story behind it?” That will give her a chance to reply and conversation can flow from then on. Always treat her like a lady. The first time I went out with Steve he opened the car door for me and that just blew me away because no-one had ever done that for me before. Seven years later he still opens the car door for me and it still impresses me greatly. Finally, don’t rush ahead. Asking her out on a date the first time you get to speak to her may not be a very good idea. Instead spend that first time just chatting about general things, smile at her, maintain eye contact, don’t invade her personal space and ensure that she feels comfortable. If you see the girl every day then maintain that level of contact for a few days or even a week or more before taking it to the next level and even then proceed slowly.

Of course I can’t guarantee that if you use the techniques that I have described you will get a positive outcome with every girl you try to speak to. Remember I told you that I declined an invitation from Steve the first time he asked but I did tell him that I would have lunch with him later that week and you may experience something similar because this approach will work far more often than the other approach I mentioned at the beginning.